Thank you everybody for the numerous comments, condolences and your kindness. I can’t even begin to express how much it means.
A new year has begun and right now I don’t even care what it brings.
Manni made it to exactly two years after his amputation. Maybe one day I will be able to celebrate this huge achievement of having shown both cancer and statistics my middle fingers but right now I just can’t.
Manni was my constant companion. And I mean that very literally. If at all possible I took him along. During his life he was in different countries (he had his own pet passport), used all methods of transportation you can imagine (boats, public transport, cars, trains, RVs, elevators, ferries…), he was an office dog, he went to all restaurants with me, he was at Christmas markets, in hotels, in vacation rentals, at all my friends’ houses, in barns, on horse pastures, he played with goats and cats, he went to nose-work classes (lost people searches) and excelled in them and he even participated whole-heartedly in the dog-Paralympixx. You name it, he was there.
In short: wherever I went, he did. He was never afraid of anything, he took everything in stride even though some of the things I made him do must have been a challenge.
The problem with having your dog with you everywhere is that once your dog is gone there is not a single place you can go where you don’t miss your dog. That’s where I’m at now. I feel like I am the one missing a limb now. All my friends would always say that Manni and I were so symbiotic it was unreal. Now, this is exactly what’s come back to haunt me. Now, I am alone at last, as I expected to be for exactly the last two years.
Manni was not a perfect dog, in fact he was very far from being a perfect dog. He chased after every moving object if you weren’t careful, he didn’t like strangers, he didn’t like cuddles, he counter-surfed no matter where we were, he stole food off colleagues’ desks, he got stuck in a waste basket once trying to reach food, and he was the most strong-willed creature you could find. I can’t even count the number of times he left me absolutely exasperated and at my wit’s end. My mother would always say: well, you get what you deserve…
However, let me show you what it meant to me to have him around. Look at my face. Can you see the absolute bliss?
Time is my friend, they tell me. I’m sure they’re right. We’ll see.
I understand completely! I lost my Jager 12/26/17. I miss him so! He was a warrior 9 months after amputation and chemo. The cancer
Came back in august. I look for him in the house and trying to adjust to
A new routine is weird. Prayers for peace and comfort. I hope our. It’s are having fun running free on all 4 legs. Just wait on me at the bridge buddy.
Boys are having fun*
I know what you mean about being with your dog all the time. I am a stay at home mom. Koko was my world. She passed away Nov 28- about 7 months post last chemo. But in those 7 months, she thrived. She chased, she jumped, and fell back into her old routine of staring down other dogs like most Border Collies. I was amazed at how she bounced back. Now I too feel like I have lost a limb. A part of me is missing. But I have my 15 yr old Flat Coat Retriever who is keeping me busy. My new routine is him through most of the day. I have to get back and finish the blog I had started months ago…..I wanted to spend every minute with Koko and I did….so blog went astray.
I imagine it literally does feel like you’ve lost a body part – not to mention your heart. I took Nitro on errands and for car rides, but not EVERYWHERE I went, so I can’t even begin to comprehend what you are going through. No wonder you feel so lost and adrift…..but , it IS true, time does heal – whether you want it to or not. After I said goodbye to Nitro, I didn’t want to heal; I didn’t want to move forward in a world without him. I existed in this “non-living” for some time, until I realized I was doing him and his memory a great disservice. I gave myself a mental head slap, and with great effort, made myself stop. This was no way to honor my love for him; I needed to start living again, start loving again, and you know the rest of this story…..a tiny bundle of Westie love. I’m not suggesting this as a answer for you – that is for you to determine when/if? But I believe my warrior sent me this tiny bundle to heal my heart and make me smile again. My wish for you is to heal and smile again. Love you
Paula and Warrior Angel Nitro
Tina ~
My heart aches for you. I can feel your sadness through your picture. I think that being busy with Cassie has helped to keep my pain at bay, but it’s there, under the surface, all the time. Bringing Cooper into our pack has added laughter to our home – he keeps Max busy all the time!, but the sadness is there. I try to look for signs that Murphy is OK, that he’s here watching over us, but I’m not very good with signs. This cold weather we’ve been having, man, he would have loved it! You loved Manni so much! And he obviously loved you back – so much so that he fought for 2 years to stay with you. Yes, time helps, but it only helps to dull the pain, because it will always be there, just under the surface.
<3 Donna
This. Post. 💔 I just lost my little boy on January 2nd. After just passing his 1 year ampuversary on Thanksgiving. His cancer spread to his lungs. I’ve never had good luck on the new year and this just one more reason to hate it. Coming home sucks. The reminders are everywhere. I hope time heals the pain, and I can look back on the good times without feeling a brick is on my chest. Sending love and hope your way. I’m grieving with you. ❤
It gets easier ❤️I am sorry for your loss
Yes dear Tina. We CAN see the bliss…the connection…the oneness. We see it on BOTH of your faces. Your Souls are clearly blended into one.
And yes, your pictures are indeed worth a thousand words. They whisper words from your wounded heart with so eloquently.
Often some say our dogs are our “kids”, especially if, like me, you have no kids. I know that’s a lovely way of recognizing the bond we have. But for me, if I had to put a “label” on my relationship, it woud be MY VERY BEST FRIEND. A friendship, a partnership, that just cannot be defined in human terms. The way you and Manni shared your lives is an exemplary sparkling example of true BEST FRIENDS. A friendship so deep it really is like having one heart, one Soul, one Spirit. That’s what I see with you and Manni, a ONENESS that can never be separated or divided.
I KNOW this was hard to write….to write about what was..And now what is. Our hearts hurt for you, and with you, so badly. I’m grateful that you did though. We get to add to our “list of all the reasons we love Manni”!
This boy had a GLORIOUS life with you Tina!! You and he crammed a multitude of lifetimes into this one!! I was in awe reading about all of his activities with you! He clearly has some smarts!!
I know I’ve said this before, but you understood him so well and worked with all of his specialness without ever trying to change the core of who he is.
.anni never saw anything you”made him do” as a “challenge”. He saw it as a privilege and as a way to honor you!
Yes, you got what you deserved and Manni got what he deserved. You two are proof that “good things DO happen to good people, and to good dogs! Two deserving beautiful free-Spirit Souls who had the absolute best life together a human being and an animal being could ever hope to have!!
Thank you for this heartfelt, beautifully articulated tribute to our be@oved Manni.
Hmmmm……because Manni excelled in so many things, I wonder what his job is at the Bridge?
Surrounding you in our love and in Manni’s love
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Well Manni, I jad to chuckle! I know you jave a sense of humor and a quick wit! Just nit sure why my avatar picture of Happy Hannah (benny55) went to anonymous!! She had a great sense of uumor two. It’s only fitti g that you two are plotting little tricks like this! 🙂 🙂
Okay, in part I’m typoing here to see if I’m srill k own as ANONYMOUS here! Also becauw know “comment” block showed up on the link you wrote up abput Manni being the best/worst first dog ever!! That was sooooo much fun reading abput all his antic!
Okay…gon a hit rep@y and see WHO anonymous is…..And then next stop is to Tech Support because he just loves untangling stuff like this!!!
HAHAHA….No longer anonymous…darn!!! But srill am looke for the comment block on Manni’s post! And those freckles stayed with him all his life! Love that! 🙂
I think you can’t comment because it’s an extra page versus a blog post. But you could comment in the forum about Manni’s job … 😊